I was rude, I was disrespectful. And I know I made a mistake. I regret EVERY word I said on that tumblr post. I was over exaggerating, I don’t hate you. I don’t think your pathetic. I do have respect for you. I Love you with all my heart, ALWAYS. I’m in this stage where i rebel against my parent’s. And all I need too do is grow up. I just got mad at the fact that all you can think was just ground me for life, or atleast till i move out of the house. I wanted a mother that would ask me questions about it. I know i was too young to be sexually active i totally understand. But I just don’t want it to resolve in groundasion. I thought we could have talked. You are my mother. You always will be. No matter what, even if i say oh i don’t want you too be my mother. That’s a lie, I cryed my eyes out in school, and if you don’t believe me, ask katie, ask ALL my friend at school. I cryed in the morning, i cryed at lunch, and in 5th period. And i almost cryed on the way home. You know why? Cause i miss my mommy’s voice. I miss how you used to bring me with you to go get coffee. And i wanted too cry everytime you said yees baby? to benny or kass. I wanted too bawl my eyes out. Honest to god. I miss hugging you. And I may say i hate you, but how many times have you heard that from a teenager? I just want freedome. I’ve only done it once. But have you ever thought, i hated how i felt afterwards? How i felt dirty and disgusted with myself? I wish we could have sat down and talked about this. I want someone too talk to, not my friends. Not my cousins. No, i wanted to talk to you. But i was to afraid THIS would happen. And look, i went overboard saying i want emancipation. I know i did. I messed up. Everyone does. I just hate the fact that we couldn’t be more mature about this. I know you have questions about me. And i know you don’t know me as well as before, but i barley understand myself. I shouldn’t have called you bad names, your my mom. I don’t have too love you, i love you cause i want to. You gave birth to me. Scars to prove it? It’s not like i wont have the do again. I might not have it for another 10 years, I don’t know. No one does. I need a life. I need too see sunshine, I need to be with friends. I need too walk around the fresh air, I don’t want to walk home, with only a certain amount of people with me. Walking home from school. That isn’t enough. I want to be trusted again. I want to be mommy’s little mini me again. I don’t want too sneak things behind your back anymore. I want to have conversations with you. Not just little words passing by like, “Do the dishes,” “where’s everyone?” I want a conversation. I DO NOT want awkward silences in the car. I’m truley and deeply sorry. I am. If i can go back in time, and undo all these mistakes i would in a heart beat. No lie. And I don’t think you make my life hell. i only say that cause i’m mad. And i only think of the bad things in life, when I’m mad. I know your trying to protect me, but there’s only a certain limit to where you can protect your young. There’s no stoping them from being who they are. I wanted too grow up and be like my one and only mother. I always did. And maybe i will grow up to be like you. No one knows.

I know there’s only certain people you want me to hang around with, but mom, You may never talk to me, you might even hate me after this, but, I hate hiding the fact that me and kaela are really good friends right now. She’s like shawn to me. Kaela, is sorry for her mistakes and she really does care about me, Mom she doesn’t influence me on anything. She wants too confront you, and say, “I honestly do love you daughter,” She wants everything bad to be done between you two. She really want’s to start over, and she really is sorry for the things she did, and we still don’t know what she did. She just deathly wants me and her too be the bestest friend with out hiding it. She just wants too start over, and if she could take back the things she’s done she would. I know her well now. And she wants things the way they used to be. Please let us be friends again. Please i beg of you. I will lay on my tummy and kiss the floor you walk on, just to be her friend again, with you knowing.

Well Mom. I love you, to death, don’t believe anyword i said in the last post, ( FML. FML. FML. ) I was just mad, and said that stuff out of anger. You can hate me. You can hate my guts. But mom, i will always love you. ALWAYS. No matter what. Cause well, i miss you. I miss aying i love you, and kissing you goodbye, and hugging you, and going with you and pat to places. I’m growing up a little too fast yeahh. But i don’t know how to stop? I miss going in your room, and you saying, ” gimmie a hug ” And i lay down next to you, and  i give you a hug and we jut sit there and hug. Typing this makes me cry.

I just want to be accepted for who i am. No matter what. From you. I want freedome. And trust. And if i have to  say this whole thing infront of the WHOLE family, I will. I Love you my one and ONLY mom.